Moving Beyond Religious Sub-Cultures

To say, I've made some people nervous is an understatement. To be honest, most days I'm incredibly nervous to share anything about my faith. It would be easier to stay silent, to wrestle in private, and to just be content staying in my lane. 

Just this week I've been accused of operating based off my "feelings" about the Bible instead of operating out of truth & certainty. Honestly, from someone who has never had a face-to-face conversation with me. From someone who doesn't know me or my story.

Sometimes I sit down to write and I already know what I want to say. I have bullet points and scripture. Today though, I just find myself exhausted with the idolatry of certainty that so many Christians and churches cling so tightly to. I have so much to say, that I don't even know where to start. 

My heart grieves for the women who message me with their own doubts and frustrations. And so while people who don't know me, may scream and shout that I'm being used by the devil (yup, been accused of that) to shame Christians into silence...

I know that this message isn't for them. 

So how did I get here? How have I learned to operate out of trust, rather than needing certainty? 

I can't begin to address everything in one blog post. That's why I've committed to this project as a whole. Going from certainty to ambiguity isn't an overnight process. In fact, it's taken my entire adult life to get to where I am right now and I suspect, I'll never quite be "there". Wherever there is. 

But it all started with one word: interpretation. 

Why do so many people interpret the Bible so differently? Why has the Bible been able to bend to culture in some aspects, but not others? Why do we hold so steadfastly to Paul's words over those of Jesus? Why do we gloss or skip over the extremely ugly and messy parts of the Bible? Why do we shove God in a box? Why do we pretend like God has never changed His mind? You get my point...

These questions (and many more) are questions I've wrestled with my entire adult life. And my inbox tells me, I'm certainly not alone. I am someone who deeply values transparency. For me transparency = trust. And I believe this is where the church is losing so many people, especially us evil (wink wink) millennials. A Pew Research poll conducted in 2018 showed that 59% of millennials who were RAISED in some type of formal religious tradition (mostly evangelical), now identify as having no religious affiliation at all. 

So the fastest growing religion in America, is no religion at all. 

They aren't just leaving evangelicalism, they are flat out leaving religion and their faith all together. This is where I've found myself all too often. On the edge of throwing in the towel vs still striving to live a faithful Christian life. The fact that once evangelical Christians aren't just leaving church for more non-denominational experiences or progressive leaning churches, but rather, leaving the church altogether -- is telling. 

What do we do with this? Does the church bear down, and through gritted teeth, keep treating these people as modern day heretics? Refusing to cast the net wider or deeper? Will the church keep hiding behind absolute certainty?

In my honest opinion, churches have failed miserably at cultivating an environment that doesn't allow ones faith to be dismantled by reading scholarly work or attending one semester at a decent university. If someone's faith can come completely unglued from having these experiences, it wasn't a rock solid belief to begin with. 

So many sub-cultures want people to stay in "defensive" mode of the Bible. Instead of learning how to have convictions, but with an open hand. In other words, I can have my personal convictions...but someone else through their experiences or even culture, may believe differently. And how do we balance each other out?

 I haven't left church altogether because the "world" hasn't let me. I look around and there are so many things I just can't explain. I try to understand the vastness of our universe, and continually come to the conclusion that God is big and I am not. And the biggest reason of all that I'm not giving up faith is, I still believe in Jesus. I believe in His radical gospel.

Like so many people my age, I have issues with the church, questions about the Bible, and doubts. But I still long for a place that feels sacred. So many millennials do. It's a reason to remain hopeful. 

People believe I've completely sold-out to culture. That I want to "live my truth" instead of living gospel truth. That I don't like the way something feels, and so I reject it...therefore rejecting God. 

But I would say...now, more than ever, Holy Spirit has confronted, challenged, and torn down the areas of my life where I've just plain been disobedient. The moments that nobody sees. Of course, it's an on-going process, so I suspect I'll forever live in a place of discomfort. I am not perfect.

Areas like gossip, trust, anger, stubbornness, un-forgiveness, hatred even.  Learning how to truly apologize and seek forgiveness is an area I deeply struggle in. Learning to be slow to anger is completely against my natural tendencies. I want to strike first because I feel vulnerable or think that someone may betray me or my trust. Staying angry is a safe emotion for me because it keeps me protected. 

It's a completely unnatural thing to live with humility and have genuine love for other people. This has been a wall that Holy Spirit has had to break down (and still is) in my life. Not allowing myself to be prideful of where I've arrived, and wanting to drag everyone else along with me. But rather, share my experiences and journey for those who find themselves in the same place.

This also doesn't mean that I won't unapologetically speak these convictions though. I want to encourage people that you're allowed to exist within a religious community or sub-culture that nurtures you. Not to keep you comfortable, but rather to cultivate growth.

If you're growing, it's not comfortable.

I want to leave you with this last point. 

Living in San Diego, California was the very first time I ever attended 1) a mega church and 2) a non-denominational church. To say I wasn't in Kansas anymore, was the understatement of the year. This particular time of my life was extremely dark. I needed a community more than I ever had before. 

I sat through my very first service there, listening to the words of senior pastor Miles McPherson. I mean, this dude had been personally asked by President Obama to preach and lead prayer service at the White House (several years in a row). He was an ex-NFL player. He was funny yet humble. He loved his people. 

I can't sit here and tell you that I even remember what the topic of the service was on. But I do vividly remember that he openly shared and talked about his past drug addiction. I had NEVER in my life listened to a sermon where the pastor was 100% transparent about being, well human. I'm not claiming he is perfect, but he walked his talk.

He made room for the hurting, the lost, the doubters, the criminals, the immigrants...

It's not that he made me feel "good" or told me what I wanted to hear. But rather his message was, "you may feel broken, all hope may seem lost...but let me introduce you to a God that wants to enter into your human suffering and change you."

What if our gospel looks like that? What if it looks like transforming someone's anger & bitterness? What if it looks like overcoming addiction? What if it looks like working for peace and reconciliation within our own families? What if it looks like learning to apologize? What if it looks like rejecting fear? 

What if our gospel becomes hope?